Movie Lessons
Aladdin:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like magic, they will mess it up- If the girl who hated you suddenly falls in love with you, don't trust her
- If you love the girl, don't lie about who you are, she will find out you are lying
- If the giant talking tiger says not to touch something, don't touch it
Alice in Wonderland:
- If a rabbit in a waistcoat walks by, don't follow it!- Don't try to talk sense to crazy people
- Don't try to play croquet with a flamingo
Back to the Future:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like history, they will mess it up
Bambi:
- If you see a hunter, run as fast as you can
Beauty and the Beast:
- If you want to hide that your house is enchanted, don't let the forks talk to visitors- Don't tell angry mobs about the nice scary looking thing you met in the woods
- If a creepy hunter wants to marry you, run the other way as fast as you can
Braveheart:
- Don't moon guys with arrows- Don't belive peace with actually happen just because you get sent on a peace-making diplomatic mission
- Don't backstab someone if you will beat yourself up about it later
The Emperor's New Groove:
- Don't have creepy skeleton women as advisors- If you do have a creepy advisor who you know doesn't like you, don't eat food she gives you
Emma:
- If your friend likes a guy, just let her like him unless he's an axe murderer or something
The English Patient:
- If you are Canadian, don't become a spy unless you want to be called by a stupid codename like "Moose"
Excalibur:
- The shinier your armor, the cooler you are- Gold lame was common in the middle ages
- If you look 20 but are really 90, don't wear metal breastplates as you sleep (in fact, don't wear them at all)
Finding Nemo:
- If your friend has no memory whatever, wear a name tag- Turtles are all cool surfer dudes
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids:
- Don't keep shrinking machines in the attic
The Incredibles:
- Capes are bad. Very bad.- If a kid idolizes you to the point of annoying the crap out of you, bash in his brains before he can become a super villain.
The Iron Giant:
- Giant robots are like big puppies!- Never ever let a ten year old boy have a giant robot
- Never let the government have a giant robot
- In fact, never let anyone with a Y chromosome have a giant robot
Jurassic Park:
- Don't make a dinosaur park, they are too dangerous- Don't visit a dinosaur park, they are too dangerous
- If the bad guy opened all the cages except for one, don't open that cage
Lilo and Stitch:
- If it is blue and talks, it's probably not a dog
The Lion King:
- Don't visit elephant graveyards- Don't trust relatives with sinister laughs and creepy senses of humor
The Little Mermaid:
- Don't trade your voice away to get the guy, not only is he not worth it, and without your voice you can't tell him that you like him- Men are dumb, they won't pick up signals, if you like them, tell them
- If some sea witch is trying to steal your guy, just brain her and save yourself the trouble later
- If you plan to spend a lot of time on ships, learn to swim and always wear a life vest
- If you are a crab, don�t go into a kitchen
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:
- Don't try to steal the ring- Don't let hobbits touch anything
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers:
- Stay as far away from the ring as possible- Don't piss off trees
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King:
- A woman can do what a man can't, so let her tag along- The ring is bad, stay far away from the ring
Mulan:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like countries, they will mess it up- Always have a scarf, a fan and a sword on hand
- Make-up wipes off easily with sleeves
One Hundred and One Dalmations:
- Don't make coats out of Dalmatian puppies- If your friend's name is 'Devil', don�t trust her
The Princess Bride:
- Men in black masks are cool, trust them- When the creepy prince decides to marry you, run the other way as quickly as possible
- He is lying when he assures you it's safe
Pirates of the Caribbean:
- Lie to pirates- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like your life, they will mess it up
Pocahontas:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like international relations, they will mess it up
Return to Me:
- You can find someone by looking for their bicycle, even in another country
Return to Oz:
- If someone likes your head, run the other way as quickly as possible
The Santa Clause:
- Don't kill Santa Claus
Sherlock Holmes and the Silk Stocking
- Never agree to be bait
Shrek:
- If you are a princess locked in a tower, don't wait to be rescued, just rescue yourself, it's easier
Sin City
- Don't piss off prostitutes
Sleeping Beauty:
- If a fairy says that a spinning wheel will kill your daughter, show her a spinning wheel and tell her to stay away from them- If you have magic powers and no sewing or cooking skills, use the magic to make dresses and cakes
Snow White:
- If the apple is half white and half red, and the woman holding it only eats the red half, don't eat the white half!
The Sound of Music:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like children, they will mess them up
Spiderman 2:
- If you like the boy, kiss the boy- If you don't like the boy, don't marry the boy
- If you have a secret identity and the girl is getting kidnapped because of it, TELL HER ABOUT IT
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace:
- If Yoda says not to teach a kid, don't teach him
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones:
- If the boy is creepy, don't kiss him- If you like the girl, don't stalk her
- Don't piss off Yoda
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:
- Don't bond with evil incarnate- If a trusted friend comes and says your very unstable and whiney husband has turned to the dark side, don't go off to look for him by yourself
- Don't underestimate the sneekyness of small green people or small droids
- Female jedis are apparently really easy to kill
- If Yoda says the boy is not ok, don't give him more power
- If evil incarnate gets up and says "I'm making myself emperer and taking all your power" don't cheer
- Don't piss off Yoda, or Obi Wan
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like your freedom, they will mess it up
Titanic
- Have enough life boats- Don't trust the guy when he says he will save your lover if you know he doesn't like that you have a lover
Treasure Planet:
- If you are warned to beware of cyborgs, stay away from cyborgs- Don't hire crews that look like they may be pirates
War and Peace:
- Don't attack Russia in winter
What Women Want:
- You really don't want to know what other people are thinking
Who Framed Roger Rabbit:
- Men are dumb, don't trust them with important things like your reputation, they will mess it up- Don't play patty cake with people you are not married to
Winnie the Pooh:
- If you are going to eat everything in the house, make sure the door is big enough to get out afterwards
The Wizard of Oz:
- If no one can tell you what cool things a wizard has done, don't assume he can do anything- If you can be melted by water, don't have buckets of water laying around in your house
